Steve knew that Bob hated visitors. So he made sure he told any strangers about his brother’s brontosaurus.
A few weeks after they got together Mr Rochester started to behave like his old self again, losing his temper and moping around in a huff. Within a month he had spent half of Jane’s fortune on trousers. Within the year he had locked her in the attic and declared her mad. Fucking Rochester.
During Paxman’s intro’ Cappleman sneaked a glance at Lenon. He risked a smile while answering a question on the second law of thermodynamics. At the after-show buffet, he went for it,
“That was pretty close at the end.”
“Shut up Cappleman, you’re only here to answer the maths questions!”
He consoled himself by eating a miniature cheese scone.
- The Neophyte
- The Outer Circle
- The Inner Circle
- The Inner-Inner Circle
- The Über Circle
- The Square
- The Secret Square
- The Sexy Boys
- The Spiritual Being
- The Supreme Magus
Hey, here is a picture of my new computer. I use it for spying on the woman next door. I’ve seen her dance a jig and hoover in the nude. This Thursday evening she opened a second tin of peaches. A second tin!
When the bag was taken off his head it took a while for the DJ to get his bearings. He hadn’t left the studio for years.
Rubble, scorch marks, vegetation covered the buildings. He was in the centre of the old city.
Hundreds of chanting savages surrounded him, flinging their arms around and grinning.
The crowd parted.
The Head Savage strolled toward the DJ. He had a transistor radio dangling from a cord around his neck and was dragging a large axe behind him. A hush fell.
The DJ despaired, they were obviously trying to communicate with him but he was at a loss to understand.
Somewhere a clock struck 12.
The Head savage grabbed the transistor radio and clicked it on. The crowd leaned in, listening.
The crowd began to murmur.
The Head savage grew uneasy, shaking the radio, confused. His attention turned on the DJ.
The crowd turned nasty. A couple of burly savages grabbed the DJ and held him down.
The DJ struggled as he watched the axe being dragged towards him.
Suddenly it came to him, these savages were his audience. They were waiting to hear his show! Just before the axe connected with his neck the DJ was truly happy. Someone was listening!
As the ‘Brother who cleans’ Frater Ouroboros had to wear a pointy hat. It was 3 foot tall and secured by a strap under his chin. When he mopped the floor the younger brothers would throw rings over the hat. It was a game designed to belittle him. Ouroboros mistakenly thought it made him popular and whooped out loud when they got a ring on.
Judith Möller should have been thrilled. It was wonderful news. Life changing.
But, Möller wasn’t her real name of course and that was the problem. She had been denied the use of her real name and it irked her.
So, determined to tell the world her news Judith set out in the dead of night armed with a marker pen. When she was done, Judith checked out her message and cursed her poor handwriting.
- Spritzer Nozzle
- Automatic Complement Generator
- Electronic Hooter
- Wipeable Surface
- Champagne Teat
- Receptacle for nuts
He was sure he had checked the perimeter the night before, so he was a little surprised to find the intruder standing before him in the studio.
The DJ had never been good with ages but he thought the boy was about 17 or 18.
He was wild looking. Daubed in paint and wearing rags, a large concentric circle tattooed across his chest. He was armed with a sharp stick.
“Awandawai” clucked the boy.
The DJ hadn’t spoken to another soul for over 50 years.
The DJ was experiencing a serious case of the yipps. He hadn’t dried up on the airwaves before but this was different. His brain was frozen.
Suddenly the room was full of savages. They advanced on the DJ and before he could gather his wits, a cloth bag was forced over his head and he was bundled from the studio.